Disclaimer: This post isn’t intended to blame anyone. Neither is it meant to make you feel validated because only God can do so. It also isn’t intended to give its readers a leeway to live in sin nor the gateway to blame other people for their choices. All the people spoken of here are wonderful people in their own ways and I blame neither of them for my experiences. Own up to your choices and work together with God and make better ones. I thank God for using them to lead me to Him in one way or the other.
The year 2015 was a very rough one for me – my then boyfriend whom I thought I loved dearly and loved me too cheated on me. I was broken.
Around the same time, I met a nice guy, who became a very good friend. I opened up to him so easily and could talk about anything with him, I was myself with him. Unfortunately, he hurt me too…so fast lol.
With my broken self, I was vulnerable and made wrong choices – moving from boy to boy in an attempt to heal – which only catapulted me faster down the spiraling lane of darkness. You know the statement about attracting people like yourself and birds of the same feathers? Yeah yeah yeah, I believed it after this season. I got to know that almost all those I entertained were like me – hurt, in pain, vulnerable and trying to mask these emotions by living in the moment and having fun, rather than seeking help from the Most High.
Lesson: Not every happy face has a happy heart/soul.
I got more and more broken with each day.
My 2016 began with another guy in my life. He had had his share of being hurt too and his own kinda brokenness. I thought I had finally found “THE ONE”. He was different. Along the line, I realized I entered that relationship because he had been good to me and didn’t want to hurt him, not because I loved him or had any feelings for him. So I ended it.
After this, I realized boy after boy after boy meant pain after pain after pain so I made the choice to follow Jesus and build a relationship with Him. Also, God had been sending me messages through His children which began to get to me.
I started spending more time praying and studying the Word and hanging around less people who were living the life I was letting go and spending more time with those who were living the life I was desiring now. Lesson: Our desires/goals shape our choices. Define your desires or goals.
As time went on, I met a guy (yeah, too many guys lol). Now this guy was living the life I was desiring and even more. I was immediately interested in him (hold on, just as a friend and someone I could learn from). We became friends, spent time together, went to fellowships together, prayed for one another and everything else you can think of when it comes to a relationship to help build one another in Christ. The last thing I wanted was a boyfriend after all my experiences but unfortunately, emotions came into play.
We failed to deal with them properly, thinking we were strong enough to overcome all temptations while inviting them in freely and easily. We literally gave the devil a seat to relax and did his work for him…all of it!
Lesson: Don’t blame the devil for everything, you need to take responsibility sometimes.
Rather than helping each other grow, we helped ourselves live in sin. We justified our actions with love mostly…it didn’t make it right though. Still wrong.
The Bible never said “sinning in love is right.”
Lesson: Sin is wrong irrespective of what the reason is. Don’t try to justify it, flee from it and repent from it.
This went on for a couple of months. I was slowly going back to the life I lived before and I realized I needed to do something and it had to be quick…so I walked away. Very selfish but very needed.
Lesson: Love your neighbor as yourself not more. Sometimes, that means being selfish and unfair in the short run.
I’m pretty sure you’re wondering why I’m writing this today. I asked the same question lol.
When one of these relationships ended, the guy involved began to create an impression to anyone who was ready to listen that I was a bad person, came into his life and messed him up and left. I was hurt because I thought it was a two-way thing, well, except the break up part lol.
I prayed and let it go. I kept my focus fixed on God again and this time for real. I was tired of going back and forth.
Lesson: Sometimes, you only make firm decisions when you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Recently, I found out he still does it…make me look bad in all of this. And that’s alright.
Am I proud of what I did then? No. Do I have regrets? Sometimes. (When I’m not having regrets, I’m thanking God for using all these to lead me to Him). Am I the same person? Definitely, not.
The reason I say it’s okay if he talks about me that way is because I live to please God now. I’m no longer that person. I have been freed and set free from my past life. Hearing these only makes me realize how good God has been to me and how far He has brought me. It shows me how abundant His mercies and grace have been in my life. I’m not sure why he does it, but I do pray that God will vindicate me.
I was led to write this because many youths of today are being held captive by their past.
Many are letting their past get in the way of their present.
Many are allowing their old lives to get in the way of seeking God and His will.
Many let what people say define them rather than what God has said about them.
Many have lost their identities because they slipped once or twice.
I’m here to remind you that you are who God says you are.
Not what people say or what your mistakes and temptations say.
I’m here to remind you that it’s never too late with God.
Come back to Him and He will wipe your slate clean and begin a new life with you.
Let Him in and trust Him.
It isn’t easy but with God, you will get through it.
Our life without Christ is the reason He came to die for us, to make it possible to live a life with Him. A life filled with His Glory. He loves you just the way you are, He isn’t going to judge you but rather receive you in His arms and engulf you with His love and saving Grace.
If you haven’t given your life to Christ already and you would want to do so, say this prayer with a believing and repentant heart…
Dear Lord Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross to save me and to wash away my sins. I take You as my Lord and Personal Savior today. Come into my heart and make it Your home. Take control of my life and lead me daily. Thank You, Lord. Amen.
If you have already given your life to Christ but find yourself living in sin and want to get right with God, say this prayer:
Dear Lord Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross to save me and to wash away my sins. I’m sorry for the living a life void of You. come back into my heart and take Your place. I let go the reigns of control and let You in to lead me. Take absolute control of my life from today onwards. Thank You, Lord. Amen.
Join a Bible-believing and Spirit-filled church if you’re not a member of one already and build on your relationship with God, together with others. (Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching. – Hebrews 10:25, AMPC)
Here are some scriptures to meditate on, to know how much God loves you and the sacrifice that was made on Calvary for you: Zephaniah 3:17, John 3:16, Ephesians 3:17-18, Romans 10:9, 1 John 1:9.
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